(10-26-16)
Life as an adult
- Change is a basic feature of our life as adults
- we age: physical changes
- our family and friends age: relationship changes
- our world ages: historical changes; small and large events in our neighborhood, town/city, state, country, world
- Change creates stress
- Hans Seyle and the “stress response”
- the nonspecific physiological reactions of our body to change
- all adaptation requires effort and “stresses” the organism
- negative and positive stress
- great happiness/excitement and terror are rather similar physiologically
- even positive changes in our lives (graduation, marriage, employment, promotion, children) call for resources (attention, energy, effort) and action (plans, decisions, choices), and bring the possibility of risk as well as reward into our life
- psychological and physical consequences of uncontrolled stress
- health consequences: illness, aging, mortality
- personal/emotional consequences: life satisfaction, happiness, contentment
- management of stress
- (potentially) negative (costly) responses
- impulsive/compulsive behavior: we can use action to over-ride (temporarily) the negative emotions of stress
- thrill seeking and risky behavior, gambling, promiscuity, video games, public media
- substance abuse
- food, alcohol, illicit and prescription drugs
- impulsive/compulsive behavior: we can use action to over-ride (temporarily) the negative emotions of stress
- (usually) positive (adaptive) responses: learning to care for yourself
- (potentially) negative (costly) responses
- Hans Seyle and the “stress response”
Responses to stress in our lives
- exercise and physical activity
- young adulthood
- aerobic exercise has benefits for both stress management and cardiovascular health and fitness
- exercise that places moderate demand on the heart by maintaining a pulse rate between 60 and 90% of maximum heart rate
- minimum time for benefit depends on intensity
- best results are usually associated with a moderate exercise program maintained throughout adulthood
- aerobic exercise has benefits for both stress management and cardiovascular health and fitness
- middle adulthood
- bring caution into your physical activities
- why basketball and swimming (which I do not find interesting) are better sports than football (which I do find interesting)
- modeling enjoyment of activity and movement for youth
- continuing moderate exercise
- bring caution into your physical activities
- older adulthood
- adjusting to the changes of your body
- continuing moderate exercise
- young adulthood
- social support and interaction
- quality and quantity and remembering that we differ
- introverts, extroverts, and you
- communication skills: asking for what you want, direct expression of needs and ambitions, clear communication
- resolving conflicts: being able to say “no”, negotiation skills, compromise
- attending to your important relationships: expressing feelings, making time for the people who are important to you, repairing relationship breaches
- quality and quantity and remembering that we differ
- satisfying activities
- pleasant events
- avocational activities: hobbies, interests, enjoyable activities
- mastery events
- events that give us a sense of accomplishment (as distinct from pleasure)
- pleasant events
- emotional regulation responses
- direct action toward your adjustment
- stress management
- meditation
- relaxation training
- yoga and T’ai chi
- prayer
- learning
What makes a life worth living?
- goals
- A goal is an outcome, an end, it can (potentially) be achieved, it can be completed/finished: (earning your degree, donating blood, beating Halo 3 on Heroic)
- a goal is a destination, it keeps us focused on the future
- A goal is an outcome, an end, it can (potentially) be achieved, it can be completed/finished: (earning your degree, donating blood, beating Halo 3 on Heroic)
- values
- A value is a process, a statement of what is important to you, your answer to the “why” of life: (learning; being of service to others; enjoying the pleasures of life)
- values can change but they are not inherently limited; they end only when our attachment to them ceases or is eclipsed by other values
- a value is a direction, it is reflected in the choices we make each minute of our life
- Valued Living Questionnaire (Wilson 2008)
- Family (other than marriage or parenting)
- Marriage (couples/intimate relationships)
- Parenting
- Friends/social life
- Work
- Education/training
- Recreation/fun
- Spirituality
- Citizenship/community life
- Physical self-care (diet, exercise, sleep)
- Dr. Wilson have used this list of values in a variety of ways. He might, for instance, have us rate 1 (low) to 10 (high) how possible we see something happening for us in each of these areas, the current importance of each value, the overall importance of each value, to what degree we have acted consistent with this value in the past week (month, year), how satisfied we are with our value congruent actions, how concerned we are that progress won’t occur in this area to the degree we would wish. All of these are simply questions/actions to prompt us to seriously consider our values, how they manifest in our lives, and how that affects us
- A value is a process, a statement of what is important to you, your answer to the “why” of life: (learning; being of service to others; enjoying the pleasures of life)
Positive emotions
- In Veronica Roth’s dystopian novels (Divergent, 2011, and its sequels) citizens in Chicago live in a society that is divided into five factions, each one meant to uphold a particular virtue of humanity: Abnegation (the selfless), Amity (the peaceful), Candor (the honest), Dauntless (the brave) and Erudite (the intelligent). Psychologists, philosophers, and all the rest of us have tired to figure out what makes for a virtuous life
- George Vaillant (2008) believes that positive emotions have survival value, have evolved because of these survival values, and to some degree are built into our mammalian brains
- faith: “trust in the universe” (p. 65)
- love: “Successful human development involves, first, absorbing love, next, reciprocally sharing love, and finally, giving love unselfishly away.” (p. 101)
- hope: “remember the future” (p. 102)
- joy: “there is no easy definition of joy” (p. 134)
- forgiveness: “peace of mind comes more in forgiving others than in being forgiven” (p. 135)
- empathy
- capacity to envision the future
- compassion: “Love is the desire to join with someone who is appealing; compassion is the desire to separate someone, even if unappealing, from his suffering.” (p. 153)
- mirror neurons
- awe and mystical illumination: “honest seeking” (p. 184)
- Martin Seligman (2002) and positive psychology
- virtues
- wisdom and knowledge
- courage
- love and humanity
- justice
- temperance
- spirituality-transcendence
- signature strengths
- Creativity (originality, ingenuity): Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things.
- Curiosity (interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience): Taking an interest in ongoing experience s afor its own sake; exploring and discovering
- Open-mindedness (judgment, critical thinking): Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; weighing all evidence fairly.
- Love of learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally.
- Perspective (wisdom): Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself and to other people
- Bravery (valor): Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; acting on convictions even if unpopular.
- Persistence (perseverance, industriousness): Finishing what one starts; persisting in a course of action in spite of obstacles.
- Integrity (authenticity, honesty): Presenting oneself in a genuine way; taking responsibility for one’s feeling and actions
- Vitality (zest, enthusiasm, vigor, energy): Approaching life with excitement and energy; feeling alive and activated
- Love: Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated.
- Kindness (generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, “niceness”): Doing favors and good deeds for others.
- Social intelligence (emotional intelligence, personal intelligence): Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people and oneself.
- Citizenship (social responsibility, loyalty, teamwork): Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group.
- Fairness: Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting personal feelings bias decisions about others.
- Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same maintain time good relations within the group.
- Forgiveness and mercy: Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting the shortcomings of others; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful
- Humility / Modesty: Letting one’s accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is.
- Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
- Self-regulation (self-control): Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one’s appetites and emotions.
- Appreciation of beauty and excellence (awe, wonder, elevation): Appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life.
- Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful of the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.
- Hope (optimism, future-mindedness, future orientation): Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it.
- Humor (playfulness): Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side.
- Spirituality (religiousness, faith, purpose): Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose, the meaning of life, and the meaning of the universe.