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All of the jokes on this page pertain to “Data.” This includes topics such as algorithms, discrete variables and outliers amongst others.
D1AlgorithmsThree statisticians approached St. Peter at the pearly gates to Heaven. St. Peter, in a kind and gentle voice, instructed them to give their name and state what they had contributed to mankind while on earth.
The first statistician stepped up confidently and said, “I am Karl Pearson and I developed the famous correlation coefficient at the start of the 20th century and it has been used by multitudes of researchers for almost 100 years.” St. Peter nodded and said, “Oh yes, that was a monumental contribution to statistics and the world. You may pass through.”

The second statistician planted both feet firmly and said in a cocky fashion, “I am Sir Ronald Fisher and I founded the entire area of experimental design in the 1920;s and multitudes of researchers have used these techniques for about 70 years.” St. Peter smiled broadly and said “That indeed was a landmark breakthrough in statistics and contributed to the betterment of mankind. You may also walk through the gates.”
The third statistician hesitated but finally walked up slowly to St. Peter. he said timidly, “I am Joe Schmutz and I taught the Vice President, who was a very reserved man, several dance steps that he used in a well-known political TV commercial.” St. Peter, with a puzzled look on his face, stared at the man and said, “That is all well and good sir but it has absolutely nothing to do with statistics and I fail to see how your action has helped mankind.” The poor statistician thought for a second. He then quickly retorted,
“But St. Peter….These steps became the famous AL-GORE-RHYTHM that helped win the Presidential election in the year 2000!!….”

** I confess this is one of my originals. It is not intended to be a political joke. **
D2DataREMEMBER! Data is always plural!
** Short but clever. A big thank you to John Roden. However, Steve Collins, a geologist, wrote me and proclaimed, “The jury are still out on that.” **
D3DataDid you know that if you torture the data long enough, that eventually it will confess?
** Thanks Cliff Lee from Caterpillar for passing this one my way. **
D4DataTorture the data until it confesses!
** Mancur Olson, The Logic Of Collective Action. **
D5Discrete VariablesTwo random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.
** Thanks go out to Dan Hayden for sending me this cute variation of a segment of another joke. (However, Dan was discrete by not sending me his affiliation. **
D6Outliers“I’m not an outlier — I just haven’t found my distribution yet!”
** Thanks to Ronan Conroy in Dublin, Ireland, for this real cute one. I have also been searching for my distribution throughout my entire career.**
D7OutliersWhat did the Box Plot say to the outlier?
“Don’t you dare get close to my whisker!!”

** I had to dig very deep in the BOX to come up with one. **

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